we have lived in vain
by JanaTearce
Summary: Once upon a time, or so the story's told... lately Ayanami is haunted by insomnia and strange dreams and unfortunately it has something do to with the blond bishop that accompanies his prey, or rather with Zehel. His bad that Frau is completely unaware.
1. Insomnia

**Disclaimer:** I do not own 07 ghost.

**A/N:** Hey guys, let's skip the bl warnings and the don't like don't read stuff. I guess you already know anyway. More important, this is not my mother tongue and I don't have a beta right now, so feel free to help me improve my English.

I won't give you any further information on the pairing, cause I'm a meany and like teasing my readers :P Though I guess it's not very hard to figure out.

Anyway, have fun reading.

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><p>The dreams had changed. First it had been Yukikaze haunting him at nights. Then it had been brown haired beauty breaking his sleep. Now it was... well it wasn't that Eve had left him. It was rather like there was something else. Like she was drawing in other memories lately. Memories connected to his, no to Verlorens feelings towards her.<p>

There was something he couldn't put his finger on.

The deafening silence in this small cabin made the silver haired more then ever aware of the death god lying half awake, half asleep inside his body. At times like this he could feel how much the borders of their personalities had already merged. Not that he was afraid to loose himself, ever since Verloren had awoken he had considered him a long lost part of himself, he simply disliked the fact that he had no control over it. His amethyst eyes stared a blank hole into the ceiling. As chief of staff he surely shouldn't be sleeping in a place like this and it wasn't that he technically couldn't find sleep in his room, but lately he preferred to avoid... avoid what? Ayanami realised he wasn't avoiding anything, but the true reason he was so fond of his new bedroom.

It was quite like a coffin.

Coffin. The word echoed in his head. With just the slightest rustling of clothes and sheets the pale man stood up. Quietly opening the door he peaked out, listening carefully for the guards steps which were right now echoing away from where he was. Though he was their commander and though they were loyal without doubt, he had no intention of being caught off guard like he always was after waking up.

Ayanami blamed the death god for it, like he always did when his ego didn't allow him to admit the truth. Tiptoeing barefoot back to his office nobody did cross his way. Why would they, he thought. It was four... four something in the morning. Though he had went to bed just three hours ago he wasn't able to sleep any more. Lately his dreams had begun to become disturbing. Disturbing in a way that made him feel slightly awkward. Not that he showed it to anyone, but deep deep down in a corner far away in his mind the silver haired knew that this was going some direction he was uncomfortable with. While he was usually a person being able to control himself, he was rather headless at moments like this. He wasn't dizzy, he wasn't light-headed, he wasn't thinking less – he was just not himself. At least he didn't feel like himself. He didn't feel like Ayanami Arawn Éléazar. He felt not like Verloren either. There was just an empty person, with a death god embracing him, making his stomach feel weird.

As the silence kept creeping into his nothing filled mind, he silently slit the door open and entered his room. Unapproachable at day, he was very approachable at night. Not that he would seek human contact or even his longing for such grew. Plainly said his mind just had a widened range for the things around him. Maybe the word sensitive was in fact more accurate for his current condition. Ayanami was sensitive to the utmost of his being and cause of that he felt approachable.

Without making the faintest noises he pulled open one of the drawers at his desk. It had a false bottom where he kept his secrets hidden. One of them was think black book without a lock and any description. It was a dream diary, not his first and certainly not his last, but it wasn't due to Verloren that he had started writing them down. Though now it came in handy to get even the slightest grip of the death gods memory. As a child he had never dreamt much, at least that was his belief until he was told that everyone dreamt and that he just wasn't remembering. After that he had told himself to remember his dreams before going to sleep. A simple spell. I will remember my dreams tomorrow morning. It hadn't worked from the start, but after some years of remembering every single dream he had started writing them down.

Since then it had been the only constant thing in his life. Constant. He liked constant things, not that he disliked change. Change could be a good thing. Still he liked some things to never change. As he played absent mindedly with his pen he tried to put his thoughts in order. The dream was still clear in his mind, he just felt uncomfortable with recalling it. That the recovered memory was clouded and in a shambles was a just lazy excuse not to occupy himself with the details of it.

_Kisses mixed with laughter. Rough but somewhat gentle hands ruffling his hair. Tugging that became pulling on clothes as the breathing grew heavier and soft moans were escaping their lips. Warm skin to warm skin. Hearts pounding like mad. Moaning. Soft whispers and words he couldn't understand, though he felt like they were imprinted into his mind. Imprinted into him._

His train of thought stopped at this point and he looked down at the words he had written. As always, when he wrote down Verlorens memories he never used the first person. While Ayanami did feel connected in bond to the death god, he was clearly aware of the fact that Verlorens past life wasn't and had never been his life. Just like the Seven Ghost needed one, his body was nothing more than a vessel to Verloren. Though in his case it was a bit more complicated. He wasn't sure about the details, but the silver haired knew this much: Verloren was the first thing he had ever seen in his life and their souls had been bound together for several previous lives, maybe ever since. And because of that, even though his dreams lately had the tendency to disturb him slightly, he could manage to get enough distance not to mind the fact that apparently Verlorens sex partner had been male. Not that it actually bothered him. It just wasn't the thing he was used to be dreaming about.

In fact he had some experience himself, he just preferred the women. _Male sex partner_. Ayanami scribbled the words down thoughtless. He had learned that it was easier to get information out of his mind, when he wasn't thinking too much. That way he tricked his subconscious to slip information he needed.

_blond_

_memory can't reconstruct face_

_black clothing – both_

_deep voice_

_emotional connection_

As his hand stopped, he began to focus his eyes on the words he had scribbled right next to _male sex partner_. Uncertain if able to leave it the way it was, he began to scribble down other details he remembered. Sadly nothing helped to find out who that ominous blonde was. With a quiet _thud_ he closed the book and put it back into its hiding place. Fun time was over. Silly saying. He didn't consider this fun. It wasn't work either. It was just necessary.

For a short while the amethyst eyes rested on the reddish glowing letters on the clock. "Four fifty-seven", he read by just moving his lips. Quite a nice time to get back to work. There was still plenty to do and why bother not wearing a uniform, it was long before anyone would get up.

As the sun was rising Ayanami saw a need for showering and changing his clothes. As short and less his dreams were getting lately, their weirdness increased rapidly. He couldn't see the link, neither could he feel it inside Verloren. Usually there was even just the faintest glimpse of recognition by the death god. Not this time. It seemed like the memories where as unfamiliar to his alter ego as to himself. Per day there were just a few rare moments at which he was truly honest with himself, about his innermost feelings and now this was something that somewhat scared him for real. Almost nothing ever scared him.

And when it came to this point it actually was just because of Verloren. Even during the time he had been still asleep, he had felt his powers lying somewhere hidden inside him. Powers that made him superior. Powers of which just a glimpse was like a tornado to the thunderstorms of his opponents.

His pale skin was barely covered with scars, though he still looked awesomely perfect he disliked every single inch of scar tissue covering his skin making it less perfect than he felt. A bad habit of his was rubbing a small nearly non-visible scar on his left collarbone, when rapt in thought. It had the length of half his index finger and he was fine with it as long as it was covered by his uniform. But every time he got a slightest chance on laying his fingers on it, he immediately did so. Though hating it, touching the scar reminded him of being human. Something he lately forgot way to easily.

And as his eyes met his reflections', he just stood still for a moment. He had disliked mirrors ever since, cause they made him see how imperfect his body was. Same moment he realised he was human. Human as a synonym for vulnerable. Looking away he grabbed for his coat and put it on. The heavy winter uniforms fabric covered the unsightly imperfectness again, as he finally stepped out the bath room. A few strands of hair still wet, were leaving little marks on his standing collar. They would dry soon enough.

The fire had been out for quite a few hours now, not that Frau minded, around them there way miles of nothing but rocks, sand and dust. Soon the sun would rise again to shine upon their lives in vain. Why was it that everyone seemed to be blessed with soundly sleep, while he felt so restless and exhausted at the same time. Two hours. That was this nights total. As stinging cold in his right arm reminded him that there was no way he would eventually get more sleep in the next few days. As long as the fire had been burning, there had been something to lay his eyes on. Something to stare blank holes into. Now there were only Teito and his hawk zile left. One thing to tempt him and one thing to remind him of long forgotten dreams.

A needle less cold, but just as sharp pierced his heart. All that he was left with were two stupid earrings and an unsatisfied love. For his liking one heart was not enough for a pirate, cause for one a pirate gave all his love already to the raging seas or to the heartless winds. While the sea was often compared with a woman, he had never heard of a similar metaphor for the winds. Then still he liked to think of them as guarding ghosts. Female of course. The winds had been the only constant love in his life. They were never leaving and he was sure they never would. It wasn't that he didn't care for Teito. That he hadn't become someone somehow important to him. It wasn't that he wasn't willing to rent some space in his heart to someone. He was just not willing to give away his whole heart, because he disliked graves.

It had been long before Bastiens death he had agreed to that with himself. A deep growl inside his head interrupted his thoughts. "Shut up...", he mumbled, careless. As if it will listen anyway. It never did. It didn't like him. He didn't like it either, thus he named it fleabag. In return it caused him pain, as always. It would never change.

Parasite.

Filthy fucking parasite couldn't keep it's mouth shut. Frau grumbled himself into silence. Why was he left awake in anxiety? What for? What for all this time killing? What for the tension? There wasn't going to happen anything at all in the end. The scythe had been there before Teito. There had been hard times before. There had been food that wasn't for eating before. So what did it make so hard? Ah, right.

Sometimes he knew just to well, how the boy felt. It made him approachable for the brunette, though often in a weird way. Just cause he understood, didn't mean he had sorted it all out for himself. There was still a lot about his past he had left untouched. Of course he remembered. He had a better memory than he was fine with, thus he liked to stay away from it. Sleeping dogs were harmless, awake though...

As the first few flashes of sunlight where lightening the sky his eyelids grew heavy and he was silently laughing himself into sleep. How pathetic as if the day wasn't as horrifying as the night! Hopefully the scythe wasn't moving his body in his sleep. Though sleep walking had never been a problem, since they were out alone in this desert, it maybe would become a problem to them.

Maybe it was an hour, maybe two he considered as he was woken up by that noisy brat. In fact he wondered if humans knew how loud they actually were most of the time. But apparently they never noticed, so he kept wondering how he should be able to sleep at all with Teito by his side. Neither awake nor asleep was an acceptable condition to him. As to speak for the scythe, asleep was the preferred state.

Frau rubbed the sleep out his eyes, while he stood up to get some life back into his stiff body. Joints were creaking as he pulled the last bits of himself together, trying not to loose his senses. He wasn't anyway, he was just being careful, not give the fleabag any opportunity to take over. "The fire was out, why did you let the fire burn out?"

"As if there is anything here to kill us...!"

"Ayanami is", his voice was calm, still you could somehow feel the undertone trembling with anger and hatred.

"If so, the burning fire had been like a flare to him..." He felt way to weary to talk, even to open his eyelids and as always Teito didn't care. Something was shoved into the blonds mouth and as his hand grabbed for whatever shorty was trying to feed him with, he realised what it was. He was nibbling on dried cold meat from yesterdays whatever. As far as he remembered it had been something lizard like. Sometimes Frau wondered what he was eating for anyway. His body wasn't in need of food or anything. Just something to keep him from freezing.

Ayanami for his part wasn't freezing at all. For one it was due to his winter uniform and for another it was due to his air-conditioned ship. Statue like he was sitting in his chair, flipping through the folders, signing pages now and then. Rustling paper, sometimes the steady thud of his biro tip on the paper just to add another letter, word or signature. Writing reports was in fact one of his most hated jobs. Why was there any reason in reporting, when nobody was fine with his doings anyway? It bothered him that he had to justify his actions to a bunch of unsympathetic "%&§/() old geezers. Aloud he would never have said this, but it made the writing easier. His lack of sleep did the rest to lower his inhibition level. "Aya-tan." Way to early, but yes that had to be Hyuuga. Some kind of noise which stated his attention was given left his throat. "How long did you sleep tonight?" Another noise came from the silver haired men's throat. This time it escaped followed by a deep grumble, which stated he wasn't pleased about the direction this was going. Any other person wouldn't have been able to read anything into the low noises and hm's Hyuuga had to consider himself satisfied with. Any other person also hadn't a history of long-term autogenic training in decoding Ayanamis answers.

Usually the priest tended to suffer from narcolepsy not from insomnia. But either way it only stated that his wake-sleep-rythim was screwed up anyway. Sadly enough he knew it was scythe that caused it. However as Teito was it who kept him awake, this time it was no direct influence. He didn't want to get started about his narcolepsy. His body just freaked out, when it came to the damage the scythe caused. If he had known that Ayanami too, though for different reasons was haunted by insomnia, maybe he wouldn't have thought bad about it. He would have smirked, enjoying his enemies suffering. One day the scythe would go back into its owner hands, then his burden would be gone. His preferred vision was a dead Ayanami and destroyed Verloren and scythe though. That was splitting hairs anyway. "You're not all here yet", Teito examined his condition with almost frightening perfection as the blond stared into to sky above them.

"Just thinkin' kiddo", he grumbled annoyed, while fumbling out a cigarette from the packet in his hand. Within minutes his mood had slipped from bad to worse, as he was forced to eat this morning and Teito, as being the cause, had to endure it.

"How many miles till we reach the next town? I'm sick of seeing rocks and dust and rocks and dust and rocks and dust..."

"More than enough for you not to care."

"Humph. It's not my fault you can't sleep." Frau had been wondering, about that the past few nights. Though now it became irrelevant to ask.

"Shut up. Sit down. We're flying!" Clearly it was his fault he couldn't sleep.


	2. There is no courtesy, just disbelief

**Disclaimer: I don't own 07 Ghost.**

**A/N:** I decided not to tell the story chronological cause that'd be plainly said... boring. So right now you're facing quite a huge time leap, but don't worry I'll provide you flashbacks to solve the puzzle ;)

Also I should add that I used the name Eva on purpose. It's the German version of Eve and I used it, so she isn't confused with I-am-Gods-daughter-Eve. Also in the German version of the bible we actually have Adam and Eva, so it isn't actually wrong.

Have fun reading! *leaves muffins and coffee for you*

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><p>Sunlight was flooding the room. Quite unusually were the open curtains and windows; letting in a gentle breeze. Even the plants looked somewhat more alive than yesterday. For a second Labrador wondered if this was still Fraus room. "Good morning beautiful prophet," Ayanami said in his monotone low voice.<p>

The priests body stiffened immediately at those words. "Good morning," a thin smile adorned his face, accompanying his required politeness.

"You look surprised..." Labrador didn't answer him, instead he quietly looked after his cherished plants. Surprisingly they had already been taken care of. The chief of staff smirked, as he silently watched his fragment. As this was his golden cage he had decided to make it somewhat cosy for himself. This also included taking care of the plants and the masses of paperwork on the desk, which was usually empty.

Softly the young bishop knocked at the coffin. It was followed by a _thud_ and some inarticulate noises. And without any further words Labrador left the room, leaving his colleague and the awkward visitor to themselves. As the door fell shut, the coffin was opened by hitting the lid. Surprisingly it didn't brake, just flew open and now there was something the chief of staff usually would consider a zombie. Though he knew the blond was anything but that. Slowly creeping out into daylight it seemed like he was learning to walk all over again. His hair was a mess and his clothes were half torn off, which made him look no different from yesterday, right before he almost fell asleep right on top of him.

Frau seemed to remember that too, because when his eyes met the amethyst's of his guest he slightly blushed. But even that seemed to go unnoticed due to his narcolepsy.

Strictly speaking he did notice, only he was too tired to care for hiding it.

Scuffling towards his bathroom as effectively as possible, it escaped his notice that Ayanami was eyeing him carefully, wondering if this was still his hated enemy or just a ridiculous copy of what used to be his enemy. Surprisingly a shower and some new clothes could turn Frau into something almost human like. Incoherent words slipped his lips. "What?"

"Said, if you wanna have breakfast, don't starve yourself, but I won't go – so don't abuse your privilege..." his words suddenly lost themselves, as he found the masses of paper on his desk. "What is _that_?"

"Paperwork."

"I can see that. Now why is it _here_?"

"Ceasefire doesn't mean my duties have vanished." The blonde grumbled as a response and sat down on his bed, ruffling his hair.

_The once passionate kissing had become somewhat... Ayanami couldn't help it but calling the bishops attempts lame. Bothered by that he broke the kissing and eyed him closely. A few days ago Fraus eyes had looked bloodshot from insomnia and anxiety. Now they still were, but they were also half closed. Light-headed from the sudden return of his narcolepsy he wolfishly grinned at Ayanami. "Are you sure, you're okay?", he was asked.  
><em>

"_Less bothering, more remembering!" Frau demanded in his dazed condition. Then he pulled the pale man into another kiss. Moments passed. Lips moved against lips. Muscles grew heavy. Tongue caressing tongue. Sighs. Two strong arms pinning him onto the bed. Swift hands were opening his heavy coat. Bones that suddenly felt way to heavy too. Way too late Frau realised it was his narcolepsy saying hello again as he broke the kiss and intended to plant them on Ayanamis pale neck, but instead his head rested on his shoulder and his eyes fell shut. A tight grip pulling his hair forced him back into reality to fulfil his plan. As he did so, the pulling became fondling._

"_Your tired."_

"_I'm not."_

_"You're burying me."_

_"Don't tell me you suddenly mind...", he mumbled, followed by incoherent stuff. This time his head rested on his chest. From far away he was noticing Ayanamis heart beat and wondering why this death god wasn't as cold and heartbeatless as him._

_A few more attempts to keep it going were made by the blond, until it seemed like he had fallen asleep on Ayanamis lap. "Just great... So much for remembering!" A soft growl escaped his lips. "Eh, wake up sleepyhead!" Pulling his hair did work a second time he found out and somehow he managed to conduct Frau into his coffin._

_If said was actually awake or just a narcoleptic zombie didn't matter to him._

"I'll get us some tea", with these words the blond suddenly broke the awkward silence. Both were terrible caretakers, when it came to their health and even though, one would sometimes start to force the other to eat properly, in the end they would wind up at their starting point having nothing accomplished. In the doorway Frau paused. "I won't give you orders, feel free to walk around the church grounds as you wish and do whatever you might like – of course within the laws of the church and the people living here – still, your presence is only tolerated cause of me...", the priest looked over is shoulder at the chief of staff. "Notice that if you abuse this privilege you will have to bear the consequences."

Ceasefire. Ever since his enemy had first spoken the word it had been whispering in his brain. Of course Ayanami knew the terms and conditions which provided him a save stay at this place.

They were stairing at him. Never before he had cared for that. Right now though... Their eyes were piercing him, making him feel uncomfortable in his skin. Whispers were reaching his ears, but he couldn't understand the words. In fact he didn't want to understand the few times, he was near enough. When he eyes met Teitos for a moment he saw disbelief mixing with anger and even though he knew he wasn't wholeheartedly he tried to look sorry.

Hakuren didn't look at all.

The sisters avoided his eyes too.

The blond man knew no one appreciated it he had brought the chief of staff along. Unfortunately this was a church. Unfortunately there was their ceasefire. Unfortunately things had changed.

Silently sipping tea Ayanami sat at Fraus desk, while said man was leaning against a wall across from him. The silver haired had been facing the wall for a while, before he turned around to his new … room mate wasn't quite the word. They were more like fellow sufferers. Also this wasn't his room at all.

"Castor and Lab weren't in the dining room..." Again it was for Frau to break the silence.

"So?"

"They'll be waiting in the garden for us to show up."

"Then why do we let them wait?"

"You know why." Yeah, Ayanmi knew why. He knew why the blond hesitated. "We can't tell 'em", he mumbled.

"Nonetheless we have to," Ayanami sipped his tea. The cup was almost too hot to hold, but he didn't really care. "Maybe we could leave this delicate details out."

"They will ask."

"Maybe, but that doesn't matter." A small smirk had adorned the beautiful face.

"And?" Frau asked, his eyebrows raised.

"Because there is nothing for them to know, right now we both know little to nothing – even if we combine our knowledge, we have to face the fact that we don't know the whole truth. Maybe it went wrong and we do have reasons to hate each other."

The bishop didn't answer. He wasn't sure anymore if he actually did hate him. He wasn't sure about anything, but the fact that this was important and that it turned deep-rooted evadable truths up side down for both of them and everyone involved.

Sunlight was flooding the garden, drowning the terrace with its warm light and even though it was in the deep of winter Labradors green fingers made the plants grow indifferent of time and date. Ayanami was, to say the least a tiny bit impressed by that as he entered the garden together with Frau. His appearance was as indifferent as the gardens as he still wore his uniform, even though there had been a lame attempt to offer him other clothes.

Even though they tried to look calm, sitting there and chatting, the blond bishop did know of their tensed bodies and braced muscles under their unshapely bishops clothes. He felt their glances piercing them, just like everyone else's. Their eyes inherited the same look as Teitos did, only watching for the slightest mistake to make accusations and ban the silver haired man from their beloved realm. All this was just for Frau who had for once in his life begged them.

Quietly they seated themselves across from Castor and Labrador. Each pair of eyes was eyeing their opposite closely, then checking that his neighbour did the same with a quick glance. "You said there was something important we needed to discuss, Frau", Castor finally broke the silence while adjusting his glasses with his middle and index finger. "It has something to do with his presence I suggest", he gave Ayanami a quick glance. The chief of staff was currently eyeing the flowers around them. "And I'd recommend you an explanation."

Without caring for the looks they gave him Frau lit a cigarette. "I will explain...", he slowly said after inhaling the blue smoke several times. "We both will, cause none of us knows the whole story yet, so there might be some gaps and unanswered questions."

"Did you know why I was given the ability to speak with flowers?", Ayanami said, his eyes resting on a yellow flower he had picked off, now cupped by his hand. As no answer came he kept on talking and slowly raising his gaze. "For one there was a special kind growing in my garden which was easing the pain from death and for another I fathered seven gardeners, just like Adam fathered Eva."

A sigh escaped the blondes lips as he cupped his chin with his hand. "Once upon or time or so...", he mumbled almost inaudibly. "I don't have to tell you the story of Adam and Eva, nor do I have to tell you about the garden of Eden cause you already know...", he stated the present knowledge of his colleagues.

"I was created even before they left paradise and out of the same matter there were created seven fragments of me – you."

"He gave us all knowledge needed and all he had. Though just like Verlorens powers his knowledge was split up among us. We were all experts, but never on the same thing. One could say we were programmed to be a collective, ready to fill in, whenever – for reasons unimportant – Verloren wasn't available. Somehow we still evolved to be individuals...", the blond bishops eyes rested on the cigarette between his fingers, before he took another pull on it. Blue fumes escaped his lips. "But Eden was a golden cage to us. We couldn't get out, though some of us tried."

"Zehel had been one of them. We haven't figured out yet how it worked, though we can say for sure the garden of Eden was surrounded by mists and once you were inside the garden there was no way to get out on your own. As I didn't know of your existence it hadn't been Gods intention for me to find the garden, but I managed to find the barrier even though. Fortunately for you, whenever I was wandering around the mists I was drawing the ones who had entered the mists from your side to me. That's how I got to meet some of you, though Zehel was the only one I got out." Curiously Ayanami eyed the still sceptical glimmer in the chestnut haired bishop. "As for the information you–"

"Quit it!", Frau warned him though not as sharp-tongued and harsh as he intended to. He sighed. "What we're about to tell you sounds weird even to us, still it's way to important to keep to ourselves. And this is also why he has to stay – at least for some time – so we can fill in the gaps of our lost memory. Being around one another is enough to trigger 'em", the last words were mumbled between lips and cigarette.

"Unfortunately I have to blow up your pretty little card house. I didn't kill Eve, cause it seems I was with this jerk", a sardonic smirk adorned his face.

"Didn't I tell you to quit it?"

"You weren't going to tell them anyway." The truth in those words hit him more than he was showing. Yes, Frau wasn't comfortable with this fact.

"Until now there hasn't been proof of something else, though I was lying low, when the news that Eve had died... was killed... whatever had happened to her – I still was with him and I had been with him the whole time before." Fraus words were followed by silence.

"Frau do you really want us to believe that?", Labradors soft voice was shooing the silence away. "I don't wish to imply you're lying though...", he hesitated. "It's just..."

"There are more than a few serious reasons why Verloren shouldn't be trusted."

"He had a point there too...", Ayanami quietly added. "Also I don't want an absolution from you for what happened here on earth, for what former reincarnations did. I am only saying that I didn't kill Eve as it seems and ergo was punished a sin I did never commit. The only reason why I came to the conclusion it might be helpful to accept the ceasefire is because I can't tell how much truth lies in this memory pieces either. As Zehel remembers about that too there has to be something true about it–"

"And we are still to find out what truth, yet."

Sharp brown hazelnut eyes cut little holes into the silver haired man's uniform and body. "Well then it seems we have to put up with your company, but notice none of us is doing that for you. This is a sanctuary, so we're kind of forced to let you stay if you think you need to."

"I have already contacted my staff, they will stay with me here as long as I will", Ayanami said placing the flower in the middle of the table. "But don't mind them, I will instruct them to behave as long as we're here. None of them will interfere with your affairs as long as you won't interfere with ours. I hope you understand this is nothing I do out of courtesy."

"Of course", the light haired answered with his casual hyper friendly smile. "Did you think we were providing you anything out of courtesy?"

Another smirk adorned their enemies face. "Of course not."


	3. What a terrible sense of duty we have!

**Disclaimer: I don't own 07 Ghost.**

**A/N:** Phhh... I think I don't have anything important to say this time. Except for the... you know, point out mistaked to me so I can improve my English stuff and so on.

Have fun reading. :-)

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><p>For one reason or another Labrador and Castor hadn't asked further questions, which simply surprised the blond. Whether it was due to Ayanamis attendance or not, he couldn't say. "So your staff is moving here tomorrow, eh?" He didn't expect an answer to that, though the man at his side nodded silently. "I don't think that's a good idea, their more likely to find out that the rest around us."<p>

"No need to worry," he answered while crossing his arms on his back. "I'll make sure they won't find out anything. I'm also rather worried about my panthers. They won't listen to anyone but me and while I can't say for how long I'll be staying I'd rather have them around."

For a second the bishop wondered, how Ayanami could worry about such trivial things as the well-being of his panthers. Then he pointed to a tower with a dome, "there's the garden..." he hesitated for a moment, then quietly continued ",were your Kor attacked Teito and Mikage, it's not outta use, though people usually rarely go there... I can make sure no one except for you can enter, so your panthers can't attack anyone..." A brief nod was all he got as a response. "You have to look after them yourself, though we should buy some meat as we haven't any in stock..."

"I didn't expect you to," Ayanami answered, voice low as always. "That's why my staff will bring along what we have left in stock."

It was almost impossible for them to pass the masses, without everyone stairing holes into them. Frau knew it wasn't cause he wasn't wearing bishops clothes, but cause of Ayanami who was walking beside him. "You should really wear something else..." he mumbled, as they rushed past another crowd. The recommendation went noticed, but unreplied-to. They were on their way to archbishop Jio trying to avoid more attention than they were already drawing in. Right now he felt like a prayer was the least he could do for his head to stay in place and not be rolling on the floor. The silver haired wasn't actually worried though.

As the hallways became emptier and the voices around them fewer and finally vanished, their footsteps slowed down and their mood began to ease as if relieved from a huge weight. Ayanami noticed that the blonde beside him still seemed somewhat tensed and the urge to say something to ease his mind came to him. "You shouldn't be worrying about him, worry about me I could only have accepted the ceasefire to kill you in your sleep or," a smirk appeared on his face, "while having sex with you."

Caught off guard Frau flinched as the pictures evoked by those words crossed his mind. "Not even you're that mean," he pouted. And only a moment after, he realised the eighth wonder of the world that just had happened. "Aw, you said it!" he beamed, a wide grin adorning his face. "Can I have it in black and white and triplicate?" while speaking Frau began to notice how obviously uncomfortable Ayanami apparently felt cause of it and while wondering, if to care they reached the archbishops office. "I really hope this turns out as fine as it can be..." he mumbled to himself as he knocked and then quietly opened the door. There was no need for waiting for a response as they were expected.

Jio sat in his chair and obviously wasn't pleased either to see who Frau had brought along. The young man bit his lip. It wasn't fair. Right now Ayanami wasn't doing any harm, he was just... there! So why was it so hard for everyone else. "Welcome Frau, I must admit to find this weeks reason for your inevitably visit rather unusual, how come you brought..." he hesitated as he didn't want to repeat any of the blond man's insults. "Why did you bring him along?"

A sigh came from his lips as he gave Ayanami who was eyeing him carefully a quick glance. "There are some important information regarding the Seven Ghosts and Verloren, though they have to be confirmed yet..." A pause. "It's... it's about Eve's death. There is a chance that Verloren wasn't the killer. Maybe she wasn't killed at all."

It was one of the rare situations in which the silver haired was obviously surprised. He had never given much thought to it and so he was surprised to find out the Seven Ghost had someone who knew their secret and whom they could talk to freely, just like he had Miroku. The archbishop had been watching him ever since he had entered the room and was now standing silently in front of Frau. The silver haired though hadn't made a singel step since then. "Then why does he have to be here?"

"Unfortunately we have to be with each other to trigger the memories concerning this, I will hand in a report later with all current information..." Frau said, lying through his teeth. Jio, was the last of all people he could tell about their relationship. The consequences were already enough to bear for the two of them. The fewer people knew of their methods to regain their memory the better.

"That's what I expected anyway, now," the old man straightened himself, as he walked a few steps closer to face the chief. "I believe you already received enough warnings regarding your behaviour and are more than aware that you are an unwanted guest at this place. So I'd rather not repeat that. We will provide you a room wh–"

"No need," the bishop chimed in. "He can stay in my room, I don't use the bed anyway, so... there is no need."

"I see..." he sighed.

"May I have a word?" the chief of staff politely asked.

Jio nodded. "Go ahead."

"I have contacted my staff and they will arrive tomorrow, the crew will stay on the ship. There is eight of them, and I also have two panthers that will stay here," he paused. "I'd rather have them around, because the won't listen to anyone else. Zehel said there was a garden, where I could keep them."

"I will make sure anything you need is provided in time."

"Thank you, I appreciate your hospitality very much archbishop." He replied with a formal smile, as he noticed the change in his opposites eye. There was no snideness, no piercing holes into him anymore – only reasonable distrust.

"May I ask one more question, why exactly do you have to bring your staff along, when this is clearly not about them, but the two of you?"

The smile stayed in place. "You won't trust me and they won't trust you either, as long as they know I'm okay they won't head off to check that out on their own, maybe ruining the armistice unintentionally. I don't think anyone in this room wants this right now, so yes, basically it's only to prevent unnecessary bloodshed."

"I'd appreciate that," Jio quietly answered. "You can leave now."

Not until evening there was some time alone for them. Ayanami had been in his room all along working at... Frau didn't really care, but as he came in the silver haired seemed to search for something. Whatever it was, it was found under a pile of papers. "So... you have been working all day long, hm...?"

"Of course..."

"Did you have a break?" the blond asked as he walked up to his desk and leaned down, so he could rest his arms behind the older one on the chair back. As no reply was given he figured there had been no break. "Are you crazy? You're not here to work yourself to death, we have to solve a mystery!" As he spoke Frau wasn't sure as if to pout, be mad or confused – so he was all three together.

"Well, I am listening, got any flashes of genius lately?"

"Well, no but–"

"Argument invalid," Ayanami replied, but the priest refused to give up.

His hands slid overs his shoulders, down his collarbones searching for the buttons to open the heavy coat, then starting to fumble them open."C'mon," he mumbled, nibbling at his ear. "Give yourself some time to rest, I know you're tired..." he softly bit his neck. "Let me help you forget your stupid work..." First strings of success were showing as the chief of staff leaned back with a heavy sigh. He placed a hand on top of Fraus, trying to remove the glove that was covering the cold skin.

"Argument still invalid," he mumbled, though not believing it himself. And after a few more seconds he added a weak "bastard...!" Ayanami knew perfectly well that the blond was making full use of this. That it wasn't only a way to gain memories for him, but a ticket for free sex guaranteed.

"Yeah, whatever... just stop working," he said, grinning. The older one stood up and turned around, facing him and planting a kiss on his lips, while opening his coat. "That's the you I like, you know..."

Ayanami smirked. "You like the sex. Not me."

"Now, I didn't say that...", he replied and finished unbuttoning his coat, slipping his hands under the heavy fabric. "But I still owe you one, don't I?"

"You know it's true...", the coat was pushed of Fraus shoulders, leaving the rhetorical question unanswered.

Though they didn't dislike it in the first place and actually found pleasure in sleeping together, it was still viewed as a necessity by them. The cause was to regain memories, not because they had begun to like each other. They didn't like each other. Not a bit. How ridiculous. How pathetic, how they were denying the truth.

_Ayanami had been playing with him all along. Frau had figured this from the way he was fighting, he never intended to actually hurt him. He was only shooing him, as if there was something else he wanted. Something he couldn't directly request. At least this was the only reasonable explanation Frau could put into the silver haired's attacks that were way to easy to dodge."Why didn't you say a thing?" Say what? Frau was confused. The chief seemed to think he understood though._

They kept on most of their clothes, as it was too much of a hassle.

_He was pressed against a wall, words of hatred circling his throat. "Why did you keep quiet?", Ayanami hissed, the ring of words was closing in, his grip tightened. "There is something you wanted to do", he growled. "You wanted to make it right, don't you remember Zehel? You wanted to account for us, when I couldn't. You...", the more words left his throat, the more the younger one seemed confused. That's why he fell quiet._

_An angry snort escaped him. "I don't know what you mean, but I surely will never account for you for anything!"_

"_You aren't that dumb, are you? You can't have forgotten!", disbelief mixed with anger let his voice tremble."Fine, if that is my punishment for the things I did down here – go on, be mad at me, but don't let me pay for a crime I didn't commit anymore. I want to know the truth!"_

_"The truth..." Frau laughed roughly. "The truth is I really don't know what you're talking about, but I know you're really pissing me off."_

The silence was cut by low groans. That the door was shut and locked was no reason to feel safe – safe enough to care to be heard. The thick walls surrounding them could have a doll listening quietly behind them. It was the first lesson that the chief had been taught about the church. Castors dolls saw everything, heard everything and knew everything. Well, almost everything.

_The puzzled look on the pale man's face stated that he had realised the truth. "You really know nothing...?", the original anger had vanished leaving frustration and disbelief. Despair was about to come as the feeling of being forgotten set in, but was rapidly turned into anger again. "Why don't you know anything? Why did you forget?", he blurted out. His flash off anger was followed by blow in the face. The blond didn't answer, he was just wrathfully glaring at him._

_Even though the threatening words around his throat had vanished it wasn't until now that Frau took the opportunity to get rid of the chief and defend himself. A part of him was way to curious, wanted to know what the other was talking about, but now he responded his attack with a right hook. "I forgot nothing you bloody bastard!", he growled as he whipped off the thin line of blood that had run down his chin. Blood and spit landed on the ground, right next to his enemy. "Quit playing your stupid games and rather kill me, before I'll kill you", he was biding defiance to him, cause in fact the older ones words made him feel insecure. It seemed there was something about them he had no clue about. At least something about Zehel he was unaware of. And it annoyed him._

Heavy breathing was now all that echoed in the room. Just like their hair and clothes, the bed sheets were a total mess. Frau grinned, though, no because scratches and bite marks were covering his body. It was Ayanamis weird way of making it unintentionally up for him, that he hadn't been on top. At least that was what he liked to believe. In fact the chief didn't never think about that, he just enjoyed causing him pain. Fortunately for the bishop he highly enjoyed it.

_The silver haired had gotten up again, and even though he knew he would be losing in a fistfight, he had stopped caring about that point. For him this was more about hurting the other. Unfortunately Verloren wasn't a big help this time either, as his feelings were getting in the way. Even though he somehow managed to catch a glimpse of the death gods powers. Just enough to feel his fist merge into the cold liquid Fraus chest was becoming under his fingers. He stretched them out like feelers, searching and as he couldn't find anything he began to dig. Now using both hands he was scrabbling his way through his soul, routing the inner most of his soul just to find a glimpse. The blonds body had tensed in agony in consequence to the manhandling. He was lying on the floor now because his enemy had pushed him down the second his hand had entered his chest as if it was pure liquid. Now same one was kneeling over him, exploiting the death gods memory, but finding nothing. All along the way he was mumbeling incoherent stuff._

Apparently Ayanami wanted to get up and get back to work again, now that he felt all here again, but there was one he thing he hadn't reckoned with: Frau. The blond bishop was anything but pleased that his source of warmth wanted to leave him. "You. Stay." he demanded pulling him closer again. They had barely adjusted their clothes.

"Don't you have a report to write?"

"Nah, he knows I won't start until tomorrow noon."

"You have a terrible sense of duty," Ayanami answered unsure if to be in disbelief or angry.

The blond chuckled. "Guilty as charged. Now stop being mad at me, we have some important this to discuss, eh?" As if this wasn't already awkward enough for the chief he couldn't help it, but liking the fact that he felt every movement of the younger ones rib cage. The chuckle. The irregular breath as if he seemed to forget it was necessary to stay alive. Then again he reminded himself Frau was already dead; then why was their any use of breathing anyway. When it hit him that breathing must then seem to him as important as the reports he had to write himself, he had to chuckle though.

"We both a have terrible sense of duty..." The words came out almost inaudibly.

"Eh?"

"Nevermind. Well then you might be right we should talk about this first...", he answered, bored and playing with a few strand of the priests hair. "Then what do you remember about well... you know, our... their former relationship?"

"Not much, just that you got me out of Eden and..." he bit his lip. "About Eve..." Frau hesitated. "I can't really figure why, but somehow you were together for some reason. I know, it makes no sense... I mean she would've never been your cover up and... well, even though I remember envying her so much it almost hurts."

"You're right it does make no sense, maybe your memory is still muddled."

"Maybe... I don't know, feels not muddled."

"Has to be, or else you had a very good reason to hate me." There was no answer. The blue eyes were shut and the big mouth had fallen silent, just the anomalous breathing stated that he was still awake. "Something wrong?"

"Stop talking, this is giving me headaches," Frau mumbled. Ayanami was left to wonder why, cause the narcolepsy took its toll again.

For the blond it always a nice excuse to become cuddlesome and seek the physical contact his job usually denied him. And just like every other time before the older one had no idea how to properly react, but luckily Frau usually fell asleep before that became a serious problem.


	4. Attemps of prying into others affairs

**Disclaimer: I don't own Seven Ghost.**

**A/N:** What to say... what to say... ah, I remeber! I just wanted to tell you it was a sponatnious decision that made Kuroyuri a girl xD I was looking up some stuff about the black hawks on 07ghostwikia and it told me that it's unknown if Kuroyuri actually is a girl or a boy, so I decieded to make him... her... it(? xD) a girl. Just to make it a bit more interesting - I mean... she must be one hell of a warsfeil to become a lieutenant colonel at that age, don't you think? Tell me, tell me all you think xD I appreaciate knowing what my readers think about my stories, so don't mind telling me.

Have fun reading.

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><p>Haruse was carried by Katsuragi and the twins. Lieutenant colonel Kuroyuri was following silently, her head bowed, eyes facing the ground, while she softly gripped her best friends hand. He still hadn't moved, hadn't even blinked and even now she was struggling with his tears. Why did they have to go to this evil place? Ayanami wasn't even friends with anyone here, yet he demanded to stay and thus his crew stayed. Wouldn't he be so fully laden with luggage Konatsu would have tried to comfort him, the least he could do was walking close enough to her to ensure her she wasn't alone. Shuri was to carry everything Konatsu couldn't carry anymore – the only exception was the major who was humming and sucking on his lollipop. The panthers – though muzzled – made him stay away from Ayanami, which was slightly unusual as he normally hovering over him.<p>

The big cats were growling as soon as someone came too close to their owner. Ordered to await them the three nuns were unusually unsmiling and serious near the main gate to accompany their new guests to their accommodation. As they caught sight of Haruse they fought the pity rising inside them, as he clearly wasn't sleeping but seemed somehow sick.

Frau was sitting next to Bastien wondering if to be able to understand his advice. As far as plants could give advice. The panthers weren't bothering him, Ayanamis crew was. Especially four-eyes as he never left the chiefs side.

"Please follow us", Athena said. "We will guide you to your rooms, if you have any questions feel free to ask." Kuroyuri looked up, because her voice sounded so familiar and at the same time there seemed to be something missing. The kindness had gone.

Labrador was amused. He watched the blond from safe distance as he talked and obviously complained to the plant about, well... Bastien refused to tell him. So he figured it was something personal. The chestnut haired joined him after a while. "I wonder what he is talking about..."

"Bastien knows", the older one wrinkled his nose. "But he won't tell, and the whole lot of them too, though I know they're eavesdropping!", he complained. Castor chuckled at this rare emotional outburst.

"Let's wait until he notices us, then we can ask him."

Unknown to them was that Frau already had spend a great deal of the day in the garden. He was searching for memories that wouldn't come. With a sigh he finally stood up and stretched himself. Apparently all his questions would be left unanswered until his subconsciousness would choose to befriend with him again. "Damn you...", he mumbled as he walked away. Of course he had noticed his colleagues, but right now he just didn't care for them. What did it matter to him, if they were watching or not. They weren't as important as Ayanami was right now. Surprised he noticed he could watch him from where he stood and for the glimpse of a moment he wondered how it must have felt to be trapped inside Eden. Zehel must have ached for him, he thought. A biting pain flashed his silent heart, as he watched the silver haired disappear behind thick walls.

_He placed a hand on the barrier, the mists were covering it, making it no longer visible to Verloren who was standing outside. "I want out", he said. "I can't stand this place anymore!"_

"_I don't know if I-"_

"_You haven't even tried yet!" A pause. "I love you."_

_Verloren smiled weakly placing a hand on the barrier were he assumed the blond ones to be. "You're outrageous...", he mumbled smiling._

"_Guilty as charged, now get me out."_

"_But what if I can't open it? Don't you–"_

"_Stop it, that's to worry about if it's really the case!", he rebuked him. But soon enough his features were relaxing again and he was smiling. "I know you can get me out." He didn't say it just to encourage him, he said it cause he definitely knew. And as he had predicted the silver haired was able to open up the barrier. It was just a hole though, just big enough for Zehel to scrape through. "See," he smiled. "Told you so." It was the first time... the very first time to... _His thoughts lost track, but he tried to complete the last pictures of this memory piece. Tried to keep his mind dwelling on the past. _Touch him... finally feel his warm skin under his fingers. Longing. For touching, for eve–_

"Even more", he quietly finished the thought. Frau was biting the tip of the index finger of his left hand. "I...", before he could say it aloud he stopped himself. It wasn't the first time he had actually ever heard those words from Zehel. But this time it felt different. This time there was something... something about it. While he thought about it he realised it was the first time he hadn't closed his soul for the feeling connected to those words. He had admitted that he had to take it all in to understand, even though it weren't his feelings, but Zehels – maybe the only reason why he could do that anyway. At last he didn't really like Ayanami anyway. Why would he?

Now that his panthers were safely locked up, the chief had decided to look after his staff and was surprised that unlike to him most had accepted the nuns offer for more appropriate clothing. Only Konatsu and Shuri had stuck to their uniforms. "Aya-tan!" Hyuugas voice was reproachful. "Why do you stay with that bishop? You can have a room next ours, all to yourself." For a second he wondered if the black haired ever thought of the possibility that he didn't want him around twenty-four hours seven days a week.

"Cause it's necessary," he replied dodging an attempt from the other to cling to him.

"But–" Hyuuga wailed.

"No. Buts." he demanded coldly. "Rather get back to work, the piles on your desk won't disappear on their own, also ceasefire doesn't mean you can laze about." It was one of the rare occasions were Ayanami let himself down to actually speak to his staff and usually it helped to get them back to worked. Hyuuga though... Without any more words he forced him back into his room, to the desk were Konatsu already sat whining over the masses of work he had to do.

As he walked out he gave his former classmate a sharp glance before disappearing from his sight. The others seemed to do fine as far as he could judge it. Only the youngest had locked herself up in her room and wasn't letting him in. "Go away!", she screamed as he knocked and asked if he was allowed to come in. Through their mental link he asked what was wrong. Kuroyuri sobbed and cried, "I hate you!" Then again and louder, "I hate you!"

"Why?", he quietly asked and send the question to her.

"You know why you filthy bastard! You–" tears were running down her cheeks. "You stupid useless... I hate you", Kuroyuri buried her face in her hands. "I don't want to be here...", was all she whispered into the deafening silence, while her thoughts were still screaming for Ayanami to disappear. At this awful place the seeds were sowed for Haruse to loose his soul. Here was this awful bishop with those scary plants. Clothes lay on her bed and she grabbed them and threw them heedless on the floor. She would never wear those clothes again! She would never... The pink haired girl looked at her Begleiter who was lying lifeless on his bed. "Haruse..." she whispered woefully. "Wake up Haruse and take me away from here!" The whispers came out almost inaudibly, before she snuggled up close to the blue haired.

He sighed, there was no use in staying right now. Ayanami knew he had to wait until she would let him in on her own, had to wait until she would decide to talk to him again. The best would be to go to work again and this time he intended to not get interrupted by the priest. As he silently walked down the long hallways he wondered why it felt so familiar to him to stand in front of a barrier he didn't feel able to pass. It took him a while to realise it, but it had been the same feeling all the time he was standing at the barrier of Eden not knowing, if able to get Zehel out. For the first time back then he had felt unsure and for the first time he had ever been frightened of something.

What if the barrier was to separate them forever? Wasn't there an invisible one right now too? Then would they be able to break it down, he wondered.

Lucky for him Frau wasn't in his room, so he had a few hours to himself, and work quietly until he was interrupted again. "You haven't eaten have you?" the bishop asked, arms folded.

"Why do you care?"

"Cause I can't afford to have you dying because of your work, or else your staff will try to kill me – which would be unnerving and annoying and I would have to kill them." The older one didn't answer. "Something wrong?" Frau asked and walked closer.

"Nothing," he answered quickly, then quietly adding, "why would you care anyway?"

"I don't know...", he admitted. "You seem... well... in low spirits." Ever since the silver haired had come to the church he had been showing emotions bit by bit, so the younger one wasn't that surprised about finding him this way. Still it seemed odd to him that Verloren should actually be capable of feeling at all. That wasn't what he had been taught and it wasn't what Ayanami had made him believe. Well... until now. And he had to admit that he liked it.

"It's nothing." It wasn't more than a grumble as he spoke.

"Oh, you are a terrible liar..." Frau chuckled low.

Ayanami sighed and leaned back, while rubbing his eyes. Black letters were still dancing in front of his eyes. "And you shouldn't pry into my affairs."

"But I do, so tell me."

"Forget it."

"Oh great, now we do have a problem? I'm amazed," the bishop teased him.

Another grumble escaped his throat. "I don't have a problem, it's just...", he fell silent and even though the bishop was encouraging to keep on talking he refused to.

Frau sighed. "Okay, now I give up," he said and kissed his cheek. "Now get back to work I'll get you some food," he added ruffling his hair. A smile appeared on his lips as he left the room, though he didn't know why. Dinnertime was long over, but this wasn't a problem to him. There was always a cute nun at the kitchen, he could persuade her without telling for whom the dinner would be. As he walked across the yard Labrador already waited for him.

"Were are you going?" the light haired asked smiling as he was about to walk past him.

The first few moments passed with Frau reconstructing his words, because he hadn't paid attention. Then he said, "making sure I'll still have an enemy who isn't all skin and bone, when this is over."

Though unwanted, Labrador chuckled. "I bet you still have a minute for me," he answered. "You got mail from a... uh...", the bishop looked at the letter. "A certain Ruteia, does that ring a bell?" the older asked with a suspicious undertone.

Thoughtfully Frau scratched the back of his head. Ruteia? Was there any girl with this name he knew? "I think no– Oh wait! I think I know", he wanted to grab the letter, but Labrador pulled his hand away.

"Ah, ah, ah, first you tell me who this is – or rather who you think this is." He sharply eyed him.

"Well... I assume... that this is Capellas mother, her name was something like this..."

"Capella?", he asked, then seemed to remember. "Oh, that boy Teito rescued? Then it's fine as long as he isn't your son..."

Frau flinched. "He's not and you know it." Though in fact there was no proof that he wasn't and tiny maybe was left. His colleague smiled knowingly, he just wanted to tease him though. "This won't end, hm?"

"Well, you must admit, there is a striking similarity..."

His reply was snappish. "You have never met him!"

The older laughed quietly. "Teito has a remarkable memory when it comes to personal description, including appearance and behaviour, you know." As he spoke he handed over the letter. "Well anyway, that's yours..." with another smile he gave him the letter. A thin smile formed on the blonds lips adorning his face.

It was late at night. Ayanami had been forced to eat and eventually had shared his meal just to empty the plate. Now he was lying awake unable to sleep and unable to keep his eyes open. He didn't knew if Frau was still awake, because no audible noises were leaving the coffin. After a few more moments he wondered if banging his head against a wall was a fine option to find sleep. A _thud_ was heard. Then another. It sounded like a shifting body. The bishop lay on his side propped up on his forearm. Silently he had opened the lid of his coffin, peeking at what he could see of his bed from over there. "Are you awake?"

"No, I'm playing dead, why yes of course I am awake," the chief of staff sarcastically answered. "What's wrong?"

"Go back to sleep," Frau yawned.

"Look who's talking..." he mumbled covering his face with a hand. Then he added a bit louder. "I haven't slept until now and I don't think I will in the next few hours." Silence took it's toll again, until he choose to break it. "Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah, sure..." he pushed the coffin open.

"That may sound a little weird, and if you don't want you don't have to answer it's just...", he bit his lip. "Why don't you have a heartbeat right now? I mean I know, you are dead, you can't have one but... In my – no Verlorens memories you have one, at last I remember..."

"Yeah, I recalled something similar..." he answered and with another _thud_ he landed on his back. "So what do you wanna hear, how I died?", the priest asked though he wasn't even sure, if he even wanted to answer that question.

"No, I... it's just... you are vessel to a death god and so am I, but you are dead, then why did you have to die and I didn't, why can't your – no their souls be reborn the way his is?"

He was frowning and thinking aloud, as he sat up. "Whataya mean? I thought you were his reincarnation in person..."

"Not exactly...", now Ayanami also sat up facing his former enemy. No, this was still the face he hated and the guy he wanted to kill. Right now it was just important to know those things. "Our souls are bound together, we...", he hesitated. In the darkness it was hard to figure out what the other was thinking. "We have been together since I was born, he has always been there... so now why doesn't that work for the fragments I wonder, since I don't think this is bound to a special ability of Verloren."

It was the first time the bishop heard the silver haired talk in third person about the death god, but he liked it. A smile adorned his face, but he didn't knew as he himself didn't recognise. The way he heard him speak, the way his voice sounded like... All this showed how much more human he was, than he usually showed. In silent amazement he listened. "I don't think that's the case either, even though I don't know at all. To be honest I never thought about that, I guess this is sort of part of the curse..."

Curse.

Ayanami contorted his face, though he would never say it aloud he hated this word. It always left such a terrible echo inside his body and mind. "If so it's kind of unfair don't you think?"

"If this is an attempt to take an interest in my life, snap the hell out of it, you're giving me a nasty shock", and with those words he lay down again and closed the coffin.

Ayanami chuckled softly before he followed suit. "As if I want to, good night anyway."


	5. The scent of lilies leaves a maybe

**Disclaimer: I don't own 07 Ghost.**

**A/N:** Have fun reading. Oh and I'd like to thank you for the comments, alerts and favourites so far x3 You make me happy *w*

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><p>A think sweet scent invaded his nose, making him feel nauseated. His stomach turned at the smell that came from the nuns hair and he didn't know why. Somehow it was familiar to him, but even if, whatever it was he surely hadn't liked it as far as he could tell. "What's this scent?" the blond asked, forcing himself to smile.<p>

"Lily," she answered smiling. "You like it?"

Now that she mentioned it, yes it definitely was lily. "Thanks," he mumbled huskily and walked away, forcing himself not to throw up. Horrible. But why did it bother him anyway? He had never cared much for the scent of flowers, yet why did lilies make him feel sick? He had to stop and lean back against a wall, cause his stomach still complained about this awful scent.

"Hey..." Frau didn't react as Castor stopped. "You alright?"

"Hm..." the younger one opened his eyes. By now he felt a bit better, but really just a bit and he had the feeling that it wouldn't last for long. "Not really, I feel sick." He squinted his eyes for a moment, holding his hand against his mouth. Hazelnut brown eyes scruntinized him, as the feeling set in that this wasn't only because of what he had smelled just now. This was due to something else, something he didn't remember, thus he couldn't stop it.

"Come on, now," Castor tried to get him away from the wall. His colleague didn't seem to fake it, so he decided to help. "You go back to bed and I'll find Lab he surely knows what to do..."

"I don't think Lab can help right now..." he mumbled. Also he didn't think it a good idea to walk right now, but the chestnut haired was dissented and didn't seem to care that it made him more than a little dizzy. "I think I need to throw up..."

"Hold back your room isn't far from here."

"That's not the point...", Frau mumbled, though he tried to do as told. Carefully Castor eyed him now and then, while silently walked beside him. As it seemed the scythe was taking its toll again. He had been through this before, thus he knew and he hoped Ayanami knew how to handle this too.

The blond couldn't hold back and the chestnut haired wondered, if it was a sign that his colleague had to vomit before his feet. A doll was already on her way to clean the mess up, as he forced the blond the last few remaining meters to his room. Without knocking the older one entered, making Ayanami flinch at the sudden noise. "What's wrong now?", he grumbled and turned his head to watch the scenery. Frau was lying on his bed now, while the other bishop was about to leave again and had apparently decided to ignore the chief. With a sigh the silver haired stood up and walked over to the blond bishop. "Well now, what's wrong with you?" The answer was incoherent mumbling. A sigh escaped his lips, as it seemed he had to wait for someone else to tell him. Until then he could go back to work.

As Labrador entered to room he was poring over a report and didn't actually notice him. Frau for his part slowly sat up, as he wasn't keen on throwing up again. "Hey Lab," he said with a half plain smile. He knew what was about to come, which was why he let his friend do his job without complaining.

"How do you feel?" Ayanami peeked over his shoulder as he heard those words.

"Fine... kinda..." Frau answered, while he was watching the slender and fingers examining his arm. It was a bit better now that the scent had faded. What he didn't knew was that Ayanamis presence also did its bit. In a good and in a bad way. "I don't think it's that..." he finally said. "At last I don't see a reason why it should dislike lilies," he mumbled.

The young man frowned. "It were lilies? Well that's unusual indeed."

"Their scent", Frau added.

Labrador sighed. "Well then you should hold your nose, when you drink this–"

"I don't thin– mmph", he had no chance to prevent it. Before he could react his head was pushed back and his nose held, while a small bottle was squashed between his teeth. Labrador smiled his casual smile as he forced him to drink. Bitter cold liquid was running down his through, making the nausea return, but though he struggled to get rid of the bottle and this awful drink, he was forced to swallow. "Lab I–", was all he could squeeze out between compressed teeth, before the sickness completely took over again. With all force he could come up with he pushed his arm away. He had to choke on the bad taste in his mouth.

The next time Ayanami watched the scenery Frau was rushing towards the bathroom and the next he could hear was the unpleasant noise of someone vomiting. His eyes focused the light haired priest. "Does this happen often?" Under the unshapely clothes a slender figure braced its muscles as he heard his voice, though the younger one had to admit it somehow sounded less monotone and cold than he remembered.

"You better get used to it."

"What's the cause...?", he asked oddly cautious, as if he didn't want to get on his wrong side.

"You...", Labrador stopped, hesitated. "You should ask him yourself, if you really care." After all it maybe was partly Ayanamis fault, for being the scythes former master, in Fraus eyes and maybe he didn't want him to know after all. "But don't take it lightly. If you don't know what to do, make sure to inform me."

A bit frustrated he listened, why shouldn't he care? As if Verloren would let him do that. The death gods influence sometimes was way bigger than the ghosts knew and maybe even imagined. With a sigh he turned around again, hoping his room mate would sleep for the next few hours so he could work quietly in peace.

The medicine he had taken felt like poison flooding through his veins. Usually it made him feel at ease, cause it was like an ointment to his damaged soul. Hauling himself back to bed was rather troublesome as he found out. Without any further thought he let himself fall down on it, when a familiar scent made him sniff and dig his nose into the sheets. Usually they smelled of soap or... nothing at all, maybe his room, this time they smelled of Ayanami and he liked it. It didn't make him want to throw up, rather calmed him down. Yet... why lilies? The scythe was mad, but not that mad. The sudden touch of a warm hand made him want to flinch away, but he didn't. Instead he opened his closed eyes just to find the chief of staff cowering in front of him. "Well you don't have fever", was his unemotional statement.

"Where's Lab?" the blond mumbled.

"Gone."

Frau grumbled and dug his face into the pillow again. "Then leave me be, I'm okay in a few hours... I suppose..."

"You suppose?", the chief raised an eyebrow. "Won't you rather tell me what's wrong with you?" A disdainful grunt was the only answer he got, as he decided to try something else. Normally he wasn't very into interpersonal relations, but Verloren didn't care for that and thus he stretched out a hand to caress his cheek. "Say hello... to the rugs topography, it holds quite a lot of interest with your face down on it, say hello... to the shrinking in your head, you can't see it but you know its there so don't neglect it...", a smile adorned his face. This wasn't him but Verloren singing or rather whispering pieces of something he remembered. "I'm taking her home with me all dressed in white, she's got everything I need... pharmacy keys, she's falling hard for me I can see it in her eyes, but she acts just like a nurse to all the other guys..." The death god gave him a soft kiss and whispered, "sleep tight Zehel." And in fact the blond had fallen asleep listening to the soft whispers.

_Beautiful brown eyes curiously stared at him and the young face was adorned by a smile as she stood there hands propped up on her knees, while leaning forward. Zehel swallowed hard, slowly crawling a few steps backwards. "You... you shouldn't be here!" he blurted out._

"_Humph!" Eve straightened herself. "I don't a see reason," she said, before she began to smile again. "Anyway, what are you doing here when..." she fell silent for a moment, when she spotted Verloren. "Over here!", she beckoned him over. "Look who I found honey", the brunette said smiling looking down at the ghost, as if he was some kind of cute puppy._

_"My my, a stray cat," Verloren chuckled and if he was surprised he was disguising it perfectly. The young woman gave him a tender kiss._

"_I've missed you," she whispered with another smile and holding onto his arm, huddling against him. "Do you know him?" she asked as she noticed the look in his eyes._

"_Yeah, he's..."_

"_I... I'm just... just a good friend", he mumbled as he bowed his head."Don't tell anyone I was here okay?"_

"_Why?"  
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"_Just like you I'm not allowed to be he–"_

"_Oh, don't worry I'm sure Daddy will understand", she laughed._

"_No, he's right," this time it was Verloren who spoke, his head lowered and looking away. "This is different, if anyone finds out he is here your dad won't turn a blind eye," he lifted his head up looking into her beautiful brown eyes. "Do it for me, if not for him... please!"_

"_Well then, I won't tell anyone," she chuckled. "Do you want to accompany us, beautiful stranger?"_

"_I... I'd rather...", shakily Zehel stood up, unsure if from anger or suppressed jealousy. "I have to go." The next thing he knew he was hammering against the barrier. "Open up... open up you– you damn thing! Just–"_

_A hand softly touched his shoulder, while he leaned against the heavy... invisible nothing that had separated them for so long. "Let me explain."_

"_No need to stress yourself, you lied to me, end of explanation!"_

Frau woke up gasping for breathe and clenching his fingers into the fabric covering his chest where his silent heart was. Thinking about it hurt. It still hurt. His throat escaped a hissed curse, while he dug his face into the chiefs coat. Wait there was something wrong, Ayanami would have never allowed him to do that, but then again he never knew. "Do you feel better now?" a voice so familiar, yet strange asked.

"Somehow...", he mumbled, cautiously looking up into his smiling face. "It makes you happy...", he whispered and sitting up to give him a quick a kiss. "Lilies... she always smelled of lilies do you remember?"

"Like a whole garden", Verloren answered caressing his cheek. "And you hated her so much..."

"You would've hated her too, if you were in my place..."

"I wouldn't, she didn't deserve it and neither did you."

"Didn't deserve what? What do you mean? Do you mean I killed her?" The kind trace vanished from the amethyst eyes. "What didn't she deserve?" But his question was left unanswered as Ayanamis conscience had fully returned, was at least about to. "Maybe I killed her...", he whispered undecided if to be horrified and afraid of the thought or to close his heart once and for all, just not to feel the pain he had remembered. The silver haired man's head was leaning against his shoulder. "I don't know, maybe I..." Frau laughed humourlessly. "I hated her. I hated her so much it still makes me sick. She could do what I desired most and could never have. She was your perfect girlfriend." There was no need for explaining he was talking about Eve.

"Should we tell them?"

"Not until we have a proof." None of them dared not to whisper. "If it was me, then I maybe deserve this damn fleabag..." Ayanami glanced at the letters on his arm. Zehel.

"It's unfair either way," the older one answered.

"No one ever said it was fair," he reminded him. "It's a curse and you know that as good as I do." With those words he leaned his head against Ayanamis, trying to put his mind at rest.

He cleared his throat. "What did they think you have?" The bishop didn't answer, instead he closed his eyes and tried to concentrate one something else.

Finally he answered. "You have your secrets and I have mine. Lets keep it that way." A weak smile was adorning his face. After all Ayanami wasn't Verloren and he wasn't Zehel, so why should they care at all.

Ayanami didn't know what to reply, he also wasn't sure what had just happened. Verloren had taken control over him in a way he had never experienced before. This was totally different from what usually happened, though usually the feelings weren't so strong. "Yeah... I... I like it that way," he admitted.

A question was burning in the priests brain... and heart, soul, body, mind – he was unable to name the origin, now the only thing he knew was that it wandered around. It had been sneaking around the corner, stretching out its fingers and creeping into the deepest parts of his mind. Now it was burning on his tongue, but he didn't dare to ask it. And actually it were two questions, but one of them was more important to Zehel than the other. Did Verloren love her with all his heart? And the second and to speak the truth not a bit less important question: Had it been nothing but a case of jealousy? A tragedy and Verloren had been covering up for him the whole time? For he didn't knew and neither did Ayanami he had to incorporate this idea, though it was just a mere thought. But wasn't everything right now built up on a mere thought? Their whole play had been written by thoughts and memories they had no proof for, except their belief and the fact that it wasn't the memory of just one.

"If you did kill her..." Ayanami cleared his throat, to buy time. He didn't know what to answer. "I..."

"What was that song you were singing", he whispered. "It seems like I've heard it before... like Verlor–" the sentence was cut of by a yawn and afterwards Frau seemed to have forgotten what he actually wanted to say. "Just five more minutes..."

Ayanami sighed and dug his fingers through his hair. What the heck should he do with this lousy, narcoleptic, good for nothing but sex – amazing sex – bastard? Five more minutes – as if! More likely five hours or five days! The blond was willingly sleeping his life away. Head-shaking his hand dropped on his lap, before he raised it again and patted to blonds head for a few moments before he got rid of the heavy body.

Now that he was sleeping, bombs could have hit the church and he wouldn't have woken up either. A part of the older man was curious to find out about the few things that could actually wake him up, but then again there were the tons of work he had to do. For the first time since his arrival he disliked having to work. What was so wrong about a few hours doing nothing at all. He could already hear their whispers, thousands of poisoned seeds sowed inside his soul.

"_What was Miroku thinking, he is still a mere teenager – a child!" – "Isn't his Lieutenant Colonel also a child? Maybe they shouldn't be named to Black Hawks, but rather a kindergarten." – "That makes him a kindergarten teacher, doesn't it?", another one chuckled. – "Shush! I've heard they're all Warsfeil, you better don't let him hear that!" – "That can't be, they must be zombies then! All Warsfeil were killed." – "Not all, there are rumours that a few of them made a deal with the king and the military. In return for their lives, they have to serve the military until death and all sons and daughters capable of using black magic will be drafted too." – "Are you sure it's the black hawks?" – "Think about it dumbass, why else would he give that teen this job! Chief of staff, most of us would like to have his title but don't, that leaves two options, either he indeed is a Warsfeil or he's his favourite lapdog. Just like that boy...!"_

A gasp escaped him, as he snapped out of his trance. No, he wasn't chief of staff, because he was a Warsfeil. He was chief of staff, because he was good at what he was doing and because he was working himself half-dead every day.


	6. Conversations and Cigarettes

**Disclaimer: I don't own 07 Ghost.**

**A/N: **Here you go, new chapter and... oh my God I honestly don't know how this ended up being one great big conversation, please forgive me xD" But don't worry, it won't go on like this, there will be more action in the next chapter. Katsuragi will have an appearance and I'll let you know what Frau thinks about Ayanami in casual clothing, also... I think Kuroyuri will talk a few words, maybe she speaks to Teito, I don't know, have to think about that.

Anyway, have fun reading. I appreaciate your meaning on the ongoings in this story :D**  
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><p>"Aya-taaaan!", the majors annoying voice was successfully disturbing their peace. "Wake up Aya-tan. We need to talk. I got some real important papers for you to sign!" The silver haired wondered if it finally had happened. The eighth world wonder? Hyuuga had actually worked? "Aya-tan? Where are you Aya-tan?"<p>

Frau laughed up his sleeve. "C'mon Aya-tan your work is calling," he whispered and planted a kiss on his neck. The chief of staff was constantly rubbing a red spot the bishop had left on the side of his neck and stared into the mirror.

"No way, not like this," he hissed and tried to push him off. "I..."

"You what?" a wide grin appeared on his face. "You want me to fuck you?"

"I'd prefer to have my coat back, thank you," the other replied straightfaced. "Now, will you please?"

Again the taller one chuckled quietly, "I don't think so." Then something seemed to occur to him. "Oh my, is it so embarrassing for you to show your – what is he again? colonel? major? – major? – major, to see the lovebites I gave you?" They had to whisper so the black haired wouldn't here them.

"Considering there's one on the inside of my thigh and you refuse to hand me over my pants, yes. Also I can't walk out there in shorts and shirt, just cause you think it's funny!" Ayanami hissed angrily.

"Oh, I think I can and I think you can too, but I also think you don't want to."

"I'm impressed. Did we finally have some progress in this conversation? If Hyuuga just did his work, this might be the ninth world wonder! And now please, by all means at least hand me over my coat, cause yes I don't want to face him like this! Don't you have any idea how this would affect my reputation?"

"Of course I do, I just don't care," the blond grinned wolfishly and licked his lips. "I'll give you your coat back, but under one condition."

"Name it and I think about it."

"I don't think you're in the right position to give orders right now." Until now Ayanami hadn't tried to kill him and he wasn't stupid enough to ask him why, just to awake sleeping dogs. Maybe the chief had simply forgotten about it. The truth though, was way more simple. He just didn't want to get into any trouble, so had to leave. There was more than one person out there just waiting for him to make a mistake. "But, I figured you want to listen, that's good. Now, if I give you this coat", Frau lifted his hand a few inches, "back... you will, as long as you stay here, at this church, not wear it again until you leave. Of course you can wear it to chat with you annoying major, but after that: No more uniform, for Aya-tan." The bishop grinned at the disbelieving look on the older ones face. "Now? Do we have a deal?"

Growling he snatched his coat from the blonds hand and put it on, then he – finally – left the bathroom. Surprisingly Hyuuga hadn't left in the mean time, instead he was flipping through the pages of a book that Ayanami could identify as one of Fraus pornos. "There you are Aya-tan!" the bespectacled man beamed, as if he had waited for him. "Where have you been."

"Showering, do you mind?" It wasn't really a question to him, but the other didn't seem to mind answering.

"Eh? No, I don't, can I join you next time."

"I will forget these are church grounds and you will die if you ever try to do so," his superior answered dry-witted.

Eavesdropping as he was, Frau laughed up his sleeve – again. Maybe he had misjudged the major, though his voice was still annoying to him. Now he was wailing and complaining about how mean he was. Head-shaking he turned away from the door, finished drying his hair and got dressed. Sadly Ayanami would kill him if he dared to walk out now that the major was still around. So he quietly waited until he heard him knock on the door. A simple sign – normally used when asking for permission to enter – now used for telling him he could show himself to the crowd. The crowd consisting of one man... and a death god. Well, sticking to counting bodies, still one person alone remained.

"What was so important anyway? Did he do something?", Frau asked raising an eyebrow. There was it again, he was furrowing his brows in anger in way... well only the bespectacled Warsfeil could make him look like a gunpowder barrel ready to explode any minute.

"Rather what he didn't do", the words came out in a sepulchral voice. "He was...", the words faded into the gloomy aura surrounding the chief. "I wonder if anyone will miss him, when I kill him...", he mumbled.

The blond chuckled. "You don't wanna do that, at last not really and you know why, though I honestly can't see the reason..." A sigh was the only answer he got. "Well now, stop racking your brain and take off that coat of yours."

"The hell I'll do!" Ayanami replied, but the bishop grabbed for his arm, trying to pull him closer to undress him again. Though this was more than ever against all plans the chief had.

"Stop fussing around, we have a deal!" A hand managed to slip under the heavy fabric and open a few buttons, which made the older one flinch away.

"I don't remember saying anything like that!"

The bishop grinned. "You grabbed your coat that was enough of an answer," he bit into the pale skin of his neck, pulling down the collar to have more space, than digging his teeth again into the soft warm flesh. This way he forced the silver haired to stay in place as he unbuttoned his coat and was now opening the golden belt around his waist.

"Fine! Just give me those damn clothes, I can do the rest myself!" It was that moment, when the chief finally managed to struggle free, but instead of getting rid of the blond he just pulled them down to the floor. "Why didn't you let got of me...?" It wasn't more than an angry grumble, as he tried to shift his weight onto his forearms and push the younger one away.

"I didn't want to," Frau whispered, his face dug into the soft skin on his neck.

"Can you let go of me now?" he pressed out between gritted teeth. "What if anyone sees us like this?"

"I don't care," the bishop simply answered and grabbed for the hand of his former enemy. The smell of belladonna was clouding him and again he dug his teeth into the flesh on his neck, leaving a red mark or rather many small red marks. "Your simply irresistible..." he purred and then it knocked.

Ayanami froze at the same second, though Frau really didn't seem to mind. The person knocked again and still the bishop didn't seem to mind. "Frau open up!", Castor demanded frustrated.

"You locked the door?" the elder was surprised. When had that happened?

He mumbled something incoherent, then he sighed. "Nah, he's just cautious, I gave him some nasty shocks in the past."

"Oh..."

When the chestnut haired finally opened the door, Frau was sitting on the edge of his bed smoking and Ayanami was nowhere to see. Though he knew it wouldn't help and only anger his colleague he snatched his cigarette away and flung it out the window. "Hey, what do you think your doing?"

"Being kind I won't confiscate the rest."

"Well, that's rather unusual for you... how come I deserve such favours?" Frau mused smiling.

"I wanted to ask you something... you... you said we were created out of the same matter as Verloren right? Not out of his..."

"Yeah...?"

"Then I wonder, is there really any need for him to consume us to get his powers back. As far as I understood he does so to get a hold of his former powers, but considering this fact, well just the powers themself would do, wouldn't they?"

"Why are you telling me this, it's not like you'd be on his side."

"That's not it, but think about it. You were right when you said, that this is something different, this is not about the military and the war – this is about us and him and no one else. That's why... I thought, it might come in helpful, considering that Verloren maybe has no idea how to actually get his powers back. Maybe he's just a headless beast after all, but..." Castor narrowed his eyes. "Ayanami isn't." Frau didn't say a thing and even if, he had just laughed humourlessly. It was the total opposite from what he believed, though the elder certainly had a point, that Verloren maybe didn't know how to. Ayanami was no headless monster. Verloren was though, but even this picture would be crumbling down soon.

If he was to believe the chief of staff, then he was fully aware of his doings, but Verloren was just another crazy voice in his head. Just like the scythe was to him. "That's all you wanted to tell me?"

"As I have no nerve for scolding you, yes."

"You really are kind today...", he mumbled, turning his had away and searched in his pockets for the cigarettes. The bespectacled chuckled lowly, then went away. Ayanami had been eavesdropping, now he opened the bathroom door.

"What do you think?" he asked the blond who shrugged. He honestly didn't know.

"Useful information as it seems."

"Sort of."

"I hated it." His brows were furrowed in anger. "I mean being caged inside Eden. It was just the seven of us and now and then a soul which was pure enough to be chosen." The chief thought it sounded boring. "I mean, I knew there was more, then why wasn't I allowed to see it now and then? It's not like I intended running into you! I mean... Zehel... he surely didn't plan on falling in love with Verloren!"

"Do you...", nervously Ayanami scratched the back of his head. "Do you think he regretted it?"

"Regretted what?"

"Falling for him? Me? After all he, we, are accused of killing Eve and will always be. You know no one can change history with the blink of an eye."

A sigh escaped his lips as he looked down on the cigarette between his fingers. "I wish I could give you an honest answer," he answered as he lit it. "But I wouldn't have if I were in his place, if you care..." A thin smile adorned the usually stern features.

"I'll give you credit for your honesty, " the blond blushed unintended and the chief chuckled. He sat down on the bed and leaned his back against Fraus.

"Th-thanks...", he mumbled sheepishly.

"I thought about Eve..."

"What about her?" Unintentionally the priest braced his muscles in self defence. Ayanami noticed, though didn't say anything about it.

"You know, I always thought she had been Verlorens first and last love," a pain staked the blonds heart. "But considering what I know by now, I think it might not have been love at all, but more what Eve meant to him..."

"W-what did she mean to him...?" he asked with his throat as dry as a desert.

"Eve is a symbol of purity, of something Verloren will never be, something he can never achieve, yet she reached out to him... you know... the thing you can't be, the one thing you can't have... you know that kind of longing right? I always mistook it for unrequited love, though it was in fact nothing more but the longing for something he could never be. I wonder why he wanted it anyway..."

"Then he didn't love her?" If he still had a beating heart, well now it would have skipped a beat of hope.

For a moment the silver haired didn't say a thing and Frau wanted to turn around, ask him just what was wrong, but before he could do so the other found his tongue again. "I think he loved her, but in another way, than he loved Zehel. Verloren cared for her, I can feel that. She was important to him, but I don't think she was more important than he was." Confidence floated his voice, and a reddish glimmer adorned the bishops cheeks. He was glad he didn't have to look him in the face right now.

There was still one unanswered question. "But if you– Verloren I mean, didn't love her, then why were you together, I– I remembered she was kissing you and it _certainly wasn't the first time_!"

"Honestly, I have no idea, I think she was supposed to be my cover up, but..."

"Well then she certainly didn't know! Cause she kissed you right in front of my eyes," he growled.

"She did?", now even Ayanami seemed somewhat surprised. "Well, that'd explain, why I can't get her 'I love you' out of my head–"

"What do you mean...?" the blond asked, his voice breathy.

"Let's assume Eve was my cover up, but didn't know. Then maybe she did actually fall for me, before I could tell her, or maybe I never intended too – I don't know – and if that's the case, then..."

"Then what?"

"I don't think I would have let er know the truth. I think I rather wanted to protect her from it, just not to be the one to make her sad. Her father disapproved our relationship from the start anyway."

"He would have disapproved ours too."

"God, wouldn't let us have a chance. I think the only reason why I got a chance with Eve was that she was happy. She was truly happy, when she was with me..." gone unnoticed by him his voice had become strangely kind.

Frau had noticed though and it made him wonder why. Ayanami certainly never spoke of him or to him in that tone. Of course there was no reason to, why would there? They weren't Zehel and Verloren. The most they were, was two vessels with confused feelings. Thanks owed to two certain death gods. "Moron. Aren't we all supposed to be Gods children? Then why does he favour some of us? It's not fair! I would have died to get her off your side and be in her place!"

"You surely did, otherwise you wouldn't be here now, would you?"

A weak smile appeared on the bishops face. "Yeah, I did..." he whispered, while leaning back against the chief. "Awful, isn't it?" There was no real answer, just some noise he interpreted as a yes. Anger made him clench his fists. "Why did she have to die anyway! Everything would have been easier if she would be still alive."

"I don't think that would change much...", Ayanami quietly answered. "It wouldn't have prevented the war, it wouldn't make that boys live any better. I even think it would have been worse, because neither you nor the others Ghosts would be here, I hardly think you would have ever met him or me. Humanity needs a scapegoat, there has always been one and will always be. Cause without a scapegoat there can't be saviour."

Quietly he laughed. "Oh my, you actually care for Teito? I'm surprised to say the least."

Now it was the elders turn to laugh. "No, I don't, but I can feel Verlorens concern for the well-being of his body. It is selfish, but it also makes me care for his well-being."

For some moments there was a pause, were no one dared to speak and when the silence was finally broken, no answer was found for the question asked. "Ayanami... was there... ever anybody you truly actually cared for?" It was rare for the blond to use the chiefs first name.


	7. Fleur de lys

A tall brown haired man was kneeling on the ground, the once white fabric of his clothes had brown stains on it. His fingers caressed the leaved of flower. He seemed quite absorbed in it's sight, as Labrador watched him and quietly stepped closer. "It's beautiful isn't it?"

"Hm..." the man didn't say anything more. He seemed to be thinking about something, but even the flower knew nothing. "You don't get to see such beautiful places often out in the field..." he mused quietly as he stood up. "Even if blood will taint them soon..." he added, though more to himself, than to the bishop standing next to him. For a while the brown eyes seemed to stare right through the figure in front of him. Then he blinked, finally seemed to notice he wasn't alone anymore. "Ahaha... sorry I got lost in thought." The tall man was scratching the back of his head quite sheepishly for a soldier and the small grin on his lips seemed unusually familiar to the light haired bishop.

Labrador couldn't help but to chuckle, as he watched him. "I don't mind," he said smiling. "Though I have to admit I'm quite surprised to find you admiring my garden..."

The brown haired smiled in reply, then he said, "it makes me hope, the same will rise from the bloody battlefields we leave behind."

"Flowers which rise from blood sure can be beautiful," Labrador replied thoughtfully. "But never forget the price you had to pay..." For a moment blurred memories flashed in front of his eyes. "But isn't it a rather gruesome subject to talk about at a church," he added smiling, trying to change the mood.

"You're right", Katsuragi laughed quietly and there was kindness in eyes for a moment. They fell into silence. "This is awkward... for I'm sure..." he began, "we will face each other in a fight again soon enough."

"Same for me," the light haired replied as he couldn't let go of the feeling, that there was meaning in this moment. He had been granted to see a side of this man, a kind side, a part of him he could actually begin to like. _Hold on to it_, the flowers whispered and so he did. Something about this soldier was familiar to him. He just couldn't put his finger on it, though he would find out soon enough.

Kuroyuri watched the scenery from the distance. She was hiding in the shadows of the hallway behind a column. She was clenching her teeth at what she saw. "Bastard," she murmured angrily and flinched at the hand on her shoulder.

"So you've finally come out," Athena smiled. She remembered the young girl from the exam. Kuroyuri glared a her. "What's with that look? Back then you were certainly happier..." she put her arms akimbo.

"None of your business," she looked away, biting her lip.

Libelle chimed in, "we've noticed you wouldn't wear the clothes we put out."

"So we figured you might prefer this one!" Rosalie held up a dress.

"B-but that's for girls!" the pink haired exclaimed blushing all over her face.

"So..." Athena smiled. "You're one aren't you?" Embarrassed and confused the young girl tried to glare angrily at them. It didn't help.

While those to of Ayanamis crew were held busy by the nuns and a bishop, he had quite a problem his own with the blond haired which somehow – he couldn't tell how anymore – been able to pass the exam. The reasons for his newly developed insight on these things were one the lips and two the tongue of said bishop. Considering the vow of celibacy they were certainly in places they should never ever be. Mandatory celibacy as Frau always liked to point out, just to remark that everything mandatory was in fact nothing more than a guideline with the same breath. _How_ the hell... he wondered, as the grip on his pen tightened. The letters he was scribbling down were becoming more and more senseless to him, the more pressure he used to write them down, trying to pull the last bits of his senses together. A sharp gasp escaped his lips and he cursed under his breath, why and how the hell the blond was taking the liberty of doing what he did. As the tall man managed to let him escape a soft moan, he immediately bit his lip and tried to kick him in the guts with moderate success.

It hadn't been his idea to do this in the first place. He didn't have any interest in getting laid, nor laying Frau today. Now he wondered how he could have been this naïve. This man was utterly shameless, the way he crouched halfway under the desk, making him loose his mind. Though in a certainly good way. He had stopped writing by now, instead leaned back and continued to curse under his breath – much to the delight of the blond man.

Panting was all to be heard as the silver haired finally relaxed again. His hands had been clenching the tips of the armrest, as he had refused to find support anywhere else. A grin was showing on the blond mans lips. "My, my quite stubborn are we," he mused as he folded his arms on one of Ayanamis thighs and looked up at him. "Huh...?" a blackish blue shape drew his attention to the hip bone of the pale man. Curiously he pulled down attire the silver haired had been trying to adjust a moment ago. "Now what's that – huh?" Frau blinked in surprise at the fleur-de-lys that showed on the pale skin. It wasn't that he was so surprised about finding a tattoo as small as it was on soldiers skin, as more the meaning this symbol held. Suddenly he snorted with laughter and burried his face behind his arms, trying hide it... vainly. "You..." he snickered and dropped on the floor – laughing, while the silver haired's cheeks were turning red, though he didn't quite knew why he was embarrassed at all.

"What's so funny?" he demanded, as he stood up, adjusting his attire.

"You're..." the bishop was still laughing and didn't even make an attempt to gather his senses. Though the foot that was suddenly pressing his face to ground in a very painful manner reminded him rather quick he needed to pull himself together. "Marked as a virgin", he answered breathless from laughing and the pressure of his boot. A clipped sound of pain escaped his lips before he added, "fleur-de-lys..." Confused the chief of staff relaxed a bit, thus the bishop was able to escape his boot and stand up. "Ya know, the lily is a symbol of purity and chastity, don't you?" Two blue eyes scrutinized him eagerly. "Religious literature mostly attributes the symbol of a lily to virgins. So basically your tattoo marks you as one", grinning he put his arms akimbo.

"I don't believe in God and I don't care what your stupid books tell," he grunted angrily.

"You know that's not the point," Frau replied as his grin widened and became somewhat suggestive. He was obviously having fun over the fact that Verlorens or rather his reincarnations body was adorned with the symbol of a virgin. And the more angry Ayanami seemed to get the more fun this seemed to the bishop, even when the sliver haired started chasing him and darting his Zaiphon at him he couldn't help but laugh.

Frau hurried along the hallways, maybe he should have considered putting on more than just the lower half of his clothes after showering this morning (he had skipped mass and had kept "annoying" the elder.) The silver haired for his part was lacking clothes in this aria as Frau hadn't bothered to help him out of those. They were at least lucky with the weather for it was a sunny day.

Laughing he stopped at the terrace and sank onto the floor, leaning back. As he looked up he saw his colleague standing next to him with folded arms. "What have you done now?" Labrador asked calm but stern.

"Nothing," the blond man chuckled, then he noticed the tall figure standing a bit aside. "... And you're?"

"My, it seems you've angered him, what did you do?" Katsuragi smiled amused by the way his half naked boss was pacing about the church grounds growling and grunting curses all the way. "Haven't seen him this angry quite in a while..."

"Really?" Frau chimed and quietly laughed at the thought of what had lead to this situation. "Wanna know what I did?"

"I demand," Labrador replied smiling.

"Then you better don't ask me how I found out, but he's got a tattoo of fleur-de-lys," he snickered. "Considering the lily is symbol or purity and chastity, more precisely an icon for the virgins... which well...", he bursted into laughter again.

Katsuragi couldn't help but snicker as he saw the malicious joy lighting up those two blue eyes. He had seem them once before. These eyes and those face. Seen them smiling and crying, but that was long over now and nothing but an indistinct memory had been left. Still there was something that reminded him of someone else, someone important who wasn't there right now. Someone somewhere stationed in this country. For a moment the brown haired wondered what those images crossing his mind meant. In the end he just blinked them away and smiled, as he sat down next to the blond. He had recently decided to enjoy their truce. "Well, you better find a way to make up for that, otherwise you'll loose your head the sooner side of sooner or later." 

"But it marks him a virgin! I didn't come up with that meaning!"

"Nonetheless," the elder demanded and Frau grunted disdainfully.

"Oh, come _on._" Then he paused for a moment and raised his eyebrows, and murmured, "well I guess it's really inappropriate to burst into laughter, when kneeling in front of someone..."

"You what... what the hell were you doing?" Katsuragi demanded.

Abruptly Frau winced at the thought of what he had just said. "Ah it's nothing, never mind," he grinned sheepishly.

The tall man shook his head in response and smiled at how obstinate the blond was. He figured he had to be content with the given answer. Frau peeked over the edge of the terrace, just as the elder looked his direction. "Uh-oh..." he flinched and ran off again before neither of them could say a thing. The chief of staff was right upon his heels.

_Seven men clothed in black attire found themselves in the midst of what had once been called the paradise. Now the landscape, or garden as it was preferably called, was overgrown. A voice was sounding as the newly born death gods stood and listen. They were grown men, yet just a few hours old. "Once this was the garden of Eden, now it will be your home and you will be its keepers. You will watch over this garden, with the powers you were given. Each of you is keeping a part of my knowledge."_

"_Will this be forever?", they asked almost simultaneously. Confused they looked around, trying to figure out why they had wanted to ask the same._

"_There will come a time when I might need your kind." A pause, then the voice spoke again and man dressed in white was stepping out from the shadows. "You were created to work as a collective, for you were created with abilities which originally belonged to just one being. But perfection can be dangerous."_

"_So we are here just in case..." their voices echoed and the blond man nodded._

"_He doesn't know of your existence, just like every other of my creatures and my daughter. So you can think of yourself as my back up plan, if everything goes wrong – but this comes also with a price. After I will be gone this place will be given a barrier of mists, so no one will be able to find this place anymore and those who still remember will forget, when they enter the mists. You on the other hand, won't be able to leave this place anymore, until I will set you free."_

_For a second the death gods bandied looks, then they agreed._

_The last thing they were given, before God left them alone again was their names. Zehel. Ea. Randkalt. Profe. Fest. Relikt. Vertrag._

_Thoughtfully a tall blond man looked at the sign on the back of his hand. _Zehel, huh?_, he thought._

Gasping Frau snapped out of his trance and almost fell of the tree he had been hiding on. As it seemed he had fallen asleep. His fingers dug painfully into the bark, but he didn't actually notice. Absent-minded he watched the ground to catch a glimpse of the chief of staff, but he was nowhere in sight.

His thoughts were spinning, tumbling around. Back than they had been left alone. Why, he couldn't tell even now, but though meant to be a collective, they had soon enough developed their own personality. Each one different and individual. They had thought up their name... _The Seven Ghosts_ – just for fun. They never had in mind to become like this. Just to make the best out of the given.

Two amethyst eyes stared up at him, still angry, but a whole lot more settled than before. "It was ill-fated from the start..." he murmured. "Even now maybe still in vain... all in vain." Then all of a sudden a grin appeared on his face, slightly provocative. "It was fun, wasn't it?" he asked.

The silver haired blinked in confusion, but then he couldn't help but to laugh. "Fun?" he asked breathlessly from laughing. "You sure had fun, b–"

"Wasn't it fun chasing he me?" he asked, still grinning.

Dumbfounded he stared at the younger bishop, his smile vanished at the sudden feeling of being caught. Ayanami didn't answer, but Frau could tell from the way he looked he was right.


End file.
